Anything For Rachel – Episode 11
#Episode_11
I was dreaming. Vivid, beautiful, perfect dreams. Mashups of my first dance with Calvin, the way he tried to distance himself from me, the time he saved me from being killed the first night I was here, the night he kissed me on the hand, the night he held me in his arms for the first time after we’d escaped the dungeons, his lips on mine, our wedding day, or wedding night. My dreams were full of memories. Only the good ones. All the times and different ways that Calvin made me fall in love with him.
“Are you sure?” He asked me on our wedding night in our bedroom while I was backed against the wall, his hands on my shoulders.
“I’m sure.” I told him.
His hands started to reach for me, but I pushed my dress down on my own, standing in front of him.
“Rachel,” He whispered my name, his eyes roaming over me.
He reached out, his hand leaving a cold trail across my skin.
“Calvin.” I whispered back, needing him.
“Rachel.”
I snapped my eyes open, sitting up quickly in the bed.
My heart was fluttering and I could swear I still felt the cold trail on my cheek in real life.
I looked down at Logan sleeping beside me and instantly felt guilty for my dreams. Calvin always finds a way to sneak up on me and force me to feels things I don’t want to.
I looked ahead of me, something in the air, or deep in my bones, telling me that someone was here. Not just anyone, but him. I felt him. I was sure of it.
I looked around, but I couldn’t see anything but darkness.
“Calvin?” I whispered quietly, not wanting to wake Logan.
I waited for just a second, but then began to feel foolish. I sighed, pulling the covers back up to me, laying back down on the pillows behind me, letting them morph around my body. I told myself I was being silly, and that I was only feeling weird because I knew I’d be seeing him in a few hours at my meeting. I slowly closed my eyes, trying to get back to sleep, but there was a sudden flash and I popped my eyes open again just in time to see the light disappearing out from the wooden door.
I threw back the covers, running for the door and grabbing the handle just before it clicked shut and ran out, knowing I had been right. Calvin was here.
I rushed into the corridor, but I stopped after going a few feet, knowing there was no way I’d be able to catch up with him now.
“You’re really here.” I heard the voice I have dreamt of for years and I turned around quickly to see him pressed against the wall on the right side of the opening in the wall. I wanted to look away as the wall slid shut beside him, but I couldn’t stop looking into his eyes, so sure that if I did that I’d wake up and this would just be another dream.
“I am.” I whispered back hoarsely, my breath caught in my chest.
I felt na.ked under his stare.
He hadn’t changed at all, not in the slightest. He stood there, broad shoulders and slender body, wearing a white button down that was half tucked into his wrinkled dark jeans. He lifted his hand slowly, pushing it through his mess of brown hair on his head and his smoky blue eyes, the ones he gave to Rose, continued to bare into my soul, seeing right through me.
“I missed you.” He whispered.
My jaw dropped slightly, but then I snapped it shut, reality finally getting a grip on me. “You don’t get to say things like that to me anymore.” I said slowly, wishing my voice had come out more determined and less like the little girl who had fallen for him so hard.
His mouth pulled down into a frown, but he nodded his head.
“You’re right.” He said. “I don’t.”
“What are you doing here?” I asked and he looked like a kid caught stealing an extra cookie when his mom said no.
“I just needed to see you.” He whispered.
I didn’t know what to say to him and my fingers were shaking at my sides, giving away just how nervous I was to be in his presence again. We both stood frozen, two people who used to love each other, separated by four feet of space, but also five years, and ten million miles of heartbreak. “This isn’t the reunion I had imagined.” I blurted out stupidly, and I could feel the blood rushing to my face.
His eyes danced, and a half smile crept onto his lips, making his dimples more noticeable. “Oh?” He asked, taking one step closer.
Three feet separating us now. “And how did you imagine it?” He asked, his slight Irish accent creeping in and making me feel weak in the knees.
I shook my head at him. “I didn’t.” I said quickly. “I mean, I didn’t plan on there ever being one.”
“I see.” He said, nodding his head and the glimmer of that smile disappearing, replaced by a serious look.
“Did you?” I asked curiously, not knowing why it even mattered.
Two feet separating us now. He looked down at me, the familiarity of this situation, Calvin standing in front of me, looking down at me like he is now, making it hard for me to breathe. His lips parted and he sighed lightly. “Of course I did.” He whispered.
I sighed shakily as he took another step forward, the closeness almost uncomfortable, but I couldn’t bring myself to back up, or to look away from his face. Every inch of it was exactly as I remembered it being. I felt self-conscience as I thought about the fact that it has been five years. The last time he saw me I was an eighteen year old girl, now I’m a woman. I wanted to kick myself and him for making me feel old at twenty four.
“How did you imagine it then?” I asked, needing to get the attention off of me somehow.
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Like I was hoping he looked down, giving me a second to breathe before his eyes were back on mine. “I don’t know.” He said softly. “I guess I didn’t really imagine it either, but I did always hope there would be one.” The look in his eyes told me that he was telling the truth, and I didn’t know how to process that information. I thought he wanted me to be gone forever.
I hated being this person.
Something about him always made me forget the rest of the world, and fall into place with him no matter what was going on around us. I looked up at him, my eyes exploring his face until I saw the small black freckle on his left earlobe. “Rose has that.” I blurted out, pointing.
“An ear?” He smiled, his dimples digging into his cheeks and his brilliant white smile dazzling me. “I should hope that she two of them.” He joked.
I couldn’t hold back my own smile, it came on so easily. “No.” I laughed lightly. “I meant the freckle on your ear.” I clarified. “I never noticed you had it before.”
He smiled down at me. “What else?” He asked softly.
“What do you mean?” I asked, furrowing my brows.
“Rose.” He whispered her name like a prayer. “Tell me about her.”
I sighed, torn between being sad because she wasn’t here, or happy because I always am when I think of my sweet girl. Our sweet girl. “Well, she looks more like you than she does me.” I told him.
“I’m sorry about that.” He smiled.
I shook my head at him. “She’s got your hair, your eyes, your dimples, and I guess your freckle.” I told him. “She’s not very much like me.”
Calvin shook his head slowly at me. “That isn’t what I’ve heard.”
I raised my eyebrows. “What have you heard?” I asked curiously.
“I’ve heard that she is very smart, funny, and kind, all of which I know she got from you.” He said.
I grinned to myself. “You are smart and kind too, Calvin.” I said.
“She could have gotten those things from you.”
He narrowed his eyes at me. “You forgot funny.” He pointed out.
I shrugged my shoulders and shook my head. “No I didn’t.”
He pursed his lips and grinned. “Oh, I see.” He shook his head.
“You do think you’re funny don’t you?” He smiled down at me. “I also heard she is very beautiful, and though she may look like me, she certainly got her beauty from her mother.”
Before I knew it his hands were up and he was holding my face in his cold hands. How many times had he held me like this in the past? I sighed, but then I brought my own hands up, grabbing onto his forearms with the intention of pulling his hands away from me, but I ended up just holding onto his arms. Not pushing him away or pulling him closer, just holding him.
“I missed you.” He whispered to me again and I felt my heart beat harder. He leaned in slowly, his eyes watching me carefully.
As he got closer, I somehow mustered the strength to lean back slightly. His eyes were shadowed by his long black lashes and he looked at me intensely, his need reaching over to me. “Just tell me you don’t want me to and I will stop.” He said shakily, leaning closer, his eyes dropping to my mouth.
I couldn’t focus on breathing and I felt lightheaded in his grasp.
“I can’t tell you that.” I whispered.
“Why not?” He asked, close enough that his breath blew across my face.
“Because…” He leaned in even more and I finally pushed back against him. “No.” I said quickly, and he dropped his hands from me while I backed away a few steps. “I can’t do this with you.” I told him. “I can’t do this at all.”
“Because of him?” He asked, pointing down the corridor.
Guilt and anger both filled me. “You don’t get to say anything to me about him, Calvin.” I snapped. “You lost out on that a long time ago, and I am sick to death of being judged for being happy. I’m sorry I couldn’t spend the rest of my life being miserable with how much I missed you.”
“I never wanted you to do that…I just…I don’t know.” He shook his head, running his hand through his hair. He looked up at me and he sighed when he saw the tear run down my cheek.
“Rachel, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you.” He said. “I shouldn’t have come down here.” He said shaking his head.
I wiped away the tear. “No, probably not.”
“But I’m still glad that I did.” He admitted.
“Why are you doing this?” I asked shakily.
Calvin took a step towards me, looking confused, but I sidestepped him. “What do you mean?” He asked stopping in his tracks.
“Torturing me.” I said. “You know that you have a pull over me, and you’re being here and touching me, and looking at me even, it all hurts. Why are you doing this? You know that I am with him now, and you are the one who did this anyway, so why are you making me feel like this again?”
“Like what, Rachel?”
“Like we are the only two people in the whole world.” I told him.
“Like you love me.”
“Because I d-.” He started to say, but I shook my head.
“Don’t you dare.” I told him, holding up my hand to him. “I can’t go through this all again, Calvin. I can’t.”
I walked passed him and over to the wall, putting my hands on it and waiting for it to spilt open.
Calvin grabbed one of my hands and pulled it to his chest. “Rachel, I do love you.” He professed.
I pulled my hand back, trying to go in the wooden door, but realizing I hadn’t grabbed the key. I turned around, facing him, but careful not to get lost in his eyes. “No, you don’t, Calvin, or you wouldn’t have done what you did.” I snapped. “Not the way that you did at least.” I added on, knowing that he was thinking of my safety. “Now will you please let me in my room?”
His face looked pained but he reached into his pocket and pulled out the key, sticking it into the lock for me. “Despite what you think, I do love you, Rachel. I never stopped, and I never will.” He whispered, then the corridor was empty.
I walked into my room feeling empty, guilty, lost, and confused.
Story_Continues
ANYTHING for RACHEL
