BY RUTHIE LEE
Lying still on my duvet and under my blanket, I watched the ceiling but not actually seeing the ceiling but engulfed in my own thoughts.
I was sad.
Anyone could tell.
I haven’t felt this way before.
A very huge lump was at the bottom of my throat and another lump was at the left side of chest.
It just felt awkward cause it was something I’ve never felt before.
I knew Elsa would reject me if I ever confessed my feelings to her, I saw it coming, I saw it all coming, I expected it all, I was ready to take it all in.
But now it happened and I don’t know why it feels this way, is this what people feel also in cases of rejection. Cause this feeling is horrible and it’s making my cold worsen.
The door suddenly opened and Mr Marshall walked in, Mr. Marshall is our family doctor. I’ve known him to be the family’s doctor since I was three.
“Jason!” He called with a smile.
I said nothing, I wanted to say hi too but the lump on my throat wouldn’t let me.
“Heard from your mom you have a fever!” Mr. Marshall said dropping his briefcase on the floor beside my bed.
If only she didn’t spill the beans out to Elsa first, then I would have known how to approach her.
‘But still yet she’ll reject you because she has Neil!’ my subconscious reminded me and I sighed.
What the hell is this!..
But still if my mom hadn’t say that to her in the first place.
‘Stop blaming your mom, Elsa doesn’t have feelings for you and probably never will, she’s too busy with Neil!’ my subconscious reminded me and I sighed.
I felt doctor Marshall’s hand against my forehead and looked up. He smiled at me “Can you maybe sit down?” he said in his normal friendly way. I sat up and let him do his doctor check up on me.
He used some doctor tools too but I was too lost in thoughts to even see what it was.
I was feeling awful and I know it.
Is this what a broken heart feels like?
If it is. I’d rather have a broken hand than a broken heart, cause this feeling is ridiculously killing me and just staring at my window, I felt like standing on it and then losing my self on air.
“Jason!” Mr marshall’s voice brought me back to life and I turned to him.
“Well your fever isn’t too serious, I’ll just hand in some medicine and I assure it you will be fine by tomorrow and I’ll let your mom make you chicken soup because Chicken soup is an excellent source of fluids and electrolytes, which is necessary for hydration if you’re making frequent trips to the bathroom. ” Mr. Marshall smiled and I just gave a brief nod.
He prescribed some drugs for ma and told me when to take them.
Mr. Marshall packed his things into his briefcase and as he zipped the box bag, he looked up at me.
“Jason?” he called.
I turned to him.
“This isn’t just fever is it?” He asked.
What is he talking about, is it that obvious that I am officially going through heart break.
“What do you mean?” I pushed the lump back in my throat to say that.
“I mean it hasn’t been too long since you came down with a cold and also the same fever happening to you, and when I checked on you, you still looked the same even though your body still reads that you’re not fine through medical tools. You were still jiltery and you still laughed, yelled and you talked a lot when i joked about giving you a shot! But I made that jokes minutes ago but you didn’t even hear me you were lost, I don’t know what kind of reverie you were having but reveries like that are pretty dangerous, you were completely lost. Do you mind sharing? What is wrong with you Jason!??” Mr. Marshall asked. I sighed and looked down.
I didn’t want to say anything but I did anyways.
“I confessed my feelings to a girl but I got rejected.”
“Oh!” Mr. Marshall froze.
“Yeah” I laid down back on the bed.
“You’re all grown up now, ain’t that right? You’re confessing feelings to a girl!” Mr Marshall tried to joke but I didn’t laugh and he got the point.
“Well I don’t see why she’ll reject you, you’re a prince charming, I didn’t know anyone would reject you!” Mr Marshall said sitting down at the edge of my bed. Looks like we’re in for a long conversation, cause I hope not, I’m not in the mood for conversations.
“So who Is she tell me more about this girl!” Mr. Marshall stated and I sighed.
“You’re not a love therapist Mr Marshall it would be best if you leave.!” I grunted sitting up.
“But I am a doctor, we heal the human body, maybe I could at least do something to help.” He
gave me a grin and I sighed.
“Her name is Elsa!” I began.
“Oh Elsa. What a nice name!” Mr. Marshall nodded.
“And she already has a boyfriend!” I added.
“Ouch!” Mr Marshall dramatically added.
I gave him a look and he returned an apologetic look.
“She’s also my private math tutor!”
“Huh?” Mr. Marshall looked at me, bewildered.
“So… You are in love with your teacher? Is that it?” Mr. Marshall asked.
“Well yeah, but you just made it sound like she’s old. Call her tutor.” I stated.
“Does she goes to your school?” Mr. Marshall asked.
I looked up at him. I hate this conversation. “No she’s about to enroll into college.” I said.
“So she’s fast with her grades?” Mr. Marshall asked.
“No… No, she’s actually older than me.” I said.
“Oh!” Mr. Marshall paused.
“Now that seem awkward” he added.
“She’s juat twenty one what’s awkward about that? Age doesn’t fu.cking matter why is everybody so spektic about that” I asked angrily.
“And you’re eighteen!” Mr. Marshall nodded. “What if that’s the reason she didn’t accept you,because you’re younger than her, I bet she also looks and feels old that’s why she rejected you and for crying out loud you’re her student!”.
“You were supposed to make me feel better Mr. Marshall” I sighed.
“I am!” he laughed.
“You know what, you can leave now, I’m getting sleepy!” I said and started to get under the covers.
Mr. Marshall stood up and grabbed his suitcase.
“Okay then, make sure you take your medicine and don’t think too much, and like the saying love is like give and take Completely opening up and sharing your feelings and life with the person you love daily, and love must be mutual unless it can be unhealthy to the other party.” Mr. Marshall explained.
I didn’t reply him though I understand perfectly, what he said.
“And if she can’t love you back, you can’t force her. Just be yourself and get back on track okay!” Mr. Marshall said and that was the last thing he said before leaving my room. I laid on my bed and gave out a heavy sigh.
How can I escape from this? I know I have to stand up again, but is rejection this painful? I feel like such a loser.
Minutes passed and I was still like that on my bed, I didn’t know what to do, I tried my best not to think but I was still lost in thoughts that I zone out at every dying minute, I didn’t even know Dessera had walked in until she called my name.
She placed a bowl of soup on my study desk and turned to me.
“I made you chicken soup,the doctor said, you should take your medicine!” Dessera slowly stated and walked out of my room.
I didn’t make an attempt to move an inch but after a few seconds of thinking, I stood up and went to have my meal.
Honestly the soup was mouth watering, I could see why mom hired Dessera, it was hot and perfect for my body, and after clearing the whole plate, I went back to my bed to take my medicine.
I wanted to get water for myself because I had none left in my room and that required me to go downstairs, so I gave up and decided not to take the pills.
Just then I heard a knock on the door and the door opened and Dessera walked in with a bottled water.
“Your mother, said I should give you this” Dessera said and placed the bottled water beside the
“Thanks.” I said
she was about to leave when her called her back.
“Yes?” she looked at me her eyes widely open.
“has Elsa gone home yet?” I asked.
“Yes, she left ten minutes ago.” I smiled
and she smiled and left.
Mom!. It’s like she reads my mind.
But still I’m mad at her.
I took my medicine and laid back on the bed and before I knew it, I fell asleep.
I threw my bag on the couch and breathed out a sigh as I walked to the fridge.
I took a half cold bottled water and chugged down the whole thing.
I’ve had a long day.
So apparently I will not be working today, since Jason is sick and probably doesn’t want to see me again because he likes me and I don’t like him back. I’ve never been in a situation like this before and it is as weird as it is new, so I’m just clueless with whatever I’m doing.
I rested on the kitchen counter and stared at the floor. What should I have say to him to make him feel less sad. I know I did made it clear to him that the relationship we’ll be having is only that of a student and a teacher, but he likes me and I don’t like and thinking about this is just making me cringe. I need a nap.
Just as I was about to grab my bag and head to my room, I heard the doorbell ring.
I went to get the door and with no surprise, it was Neil.
I did text him about leaving work early cause at that moment he asked if I’m still teaching. “So apparently I got off work early today because of you and now here I am!” He smiled. I smiled too. “That’s nice.!”
He suddenly hugged and tighten his hand around my body.
“What? Did you miss me so much?” I asked in a teasing tone.
“More than you can ever imagine!” He replied not making any effort to disengage from the hug.
“Okay now I can’t breathe!” I joked and he quickly let’s go me.
“Sorry!” he chuckled and let’s go of me.
“So can I come in?” Neil asked.
“Well sure!” I smiled and he walked in and close the door.
“So how are you and how come you’re home early?” Neil asked as he followed me to the couch of where I grabbed my bag and start to heard to my room. “I’m fine and also Jason is sick!” I replied.
“Oh. Oh I hope he gets better!” Neil said.
“Yeah!” I replied.
I opened the door to my room and Neil and I walked in.
“Wow.” Neil said.
“What?” I asked.
“Your room hasn’t change a bit!” He said.
“Really?” I laughed.
“Yeah, but wait! Your bed used to be a little on this side” Neil said demonstrating with his hands.
“Wow, your memory is way better than I thought!” I smiled.
As I dropped my bag on my bed, I turned to the door to see it slightly open.
“Jason can you close the door!” I said
Neil closed the door but laughed.
“What?” I asked.
“You just called me Jason!.
BY RUTHIE LEE