Adebimpe: The Facebook Girl – Episode 13

I chat with segun after to call to gist him about

kemi’s outdoor plans. I was so confused on how to

convince her to bed. Segun assured me that I

shouldn’t worry as he would take charge of

everything. We had our last rehearsals that night on

his plans of how to execute kemi’s parole.

8am the second day which was friday, I woke up very

early. I had took a time off from work earlier on

thursday on the pretence that I was sick and needed

to go to the hospital for treatment. I changed my

bedsheets, stocked my portable fridge with 3 can

malts and fruits, I went to the nearby chemist to

purchase a pack of condom and I sprayed the whole

room with air refresher. Indeed, nobody cleans a

house faster than a guy expecting a new girl.

9:25am, kemi flashed me and I called back,

ME: hello love

KEMI : hi dear.

ME: how was your night?

KEMI: it was fine. Where is my airtime?

ME: I’m sorry dear, I’m still on bed, I haven’t gone

out yet

KEMI: why can’t you send your brother to buy it?

ME: he went out very early this morning and he

hasn’t returned yet.

KEMI: send your address, I should be on my way any

moment from now. And first thing, I will collect my

airtime when I arrive.

ME: ok love, no problem.

KEMI: bye

ME: bye.

I sent the detailed address to kemi and I also inform

my goon (segun) about kemi’s coming. 35minutes

later, segun arrived fully dressed and pulling a leather

box. We hugged and gist about how we would

execute our plans neatly. While we were having gists

and fun. My phone rang and it was kemi calling.

ME: hi love, where are you?

KEMI: I just dropped from a bike at the front of your

house, Please come outside and let’s hurry up, the

bike-man is waiting.

ME: ok *****hanged up*******.

I turned to segun with a sad face full of

disappointment. Segun saw the look on my face.

ME: segun, I’m not sure this plan will work out?

SEGE: why not leave all the plans to the event

planner?.

ME: but she still insisted on waiting outside?

SEGE: mr maga, just calm down. Let’s go outside

and welcome her, I will take charge of the situation.

Trust me my guy.

ME: yes boss

************************************

 

We went outside together to meet kemi. As we

stepped out of the door, I saw a young lady standing

by a bike-man at the other side of the road. I was so

disappointed in what I saw, kemi wasn’t as pretty and

adoring as the lady I have been seeing on facebook.

Her face looked so rough and full of spots compared

to the clean and radiating face I have been seeing on

facebook. Is that the babe? “Segun asked me”. I

guess so “I replied”.

I picked my phone to call her she picked. She saw

me at the other side of the road but she refused to

cross, she was waving her hand to me that I should

cross over and she was pointing at the bikeman at

the same time.

ME: ****whispers**** segun, you sure say this babe

go sure?

SEGE: just calm down and leave everything to me.

Segun and I crossed to the other side of the road

and we walked closer to kemi.

ME: ***hugs****hi love

KEMI: hi dear.

ME: meet my brother segun I was telling you about,

******introduced her to segun*****

SEGE: ***hands shake**** its nice meeting you our

wife.

KEMI: ****smiled*****. Onihaxy, Please I don’t want

to stay long outdoor, I sneaked out of the house and

I must return before they find out that I’m missing.

SEGE: lailai, that cannot be possible. Don’t you know

I have been waiting here for the past 3 days just to

meet you?, I should have travelled 2 days ago but I

decided to wait and see our wife so as to give our

parents feedback when I reached home.

ME: yeah, he is right

KEMI: ***smiled**** but you have seen me now. I

don’t want to stay outdoor for long please

SEGE: ****moved closer to kemi****so you mean

main road reception is the best you can give to your

father in-law. Common baby, don’t abuse tradition,

come in and let’s know each other formally.

******held kemi’s hand****

KEMI: oooooooooh God.

ME: ****silent and watching******

KEMI: but the bikeman is here waiting.

SEGUN: ***moved closer to the bike while kemi and I

were walking away slowly****** how much is your

money?

BIKEMAN: 200naira

Segun paid the bikeman and the bikeman drove

away. I was amazed how segun got to know that

kemi hasn’t paid her bike fare. I guess he observed

the situation. Segun catch up with us and we crossed

together. Segun began to chat with kemi and they

were flowing nicely. He took charge of the whole

situation as we entered the room. He entertained

kemi, asked her about her work, school, life generally

and kemi was flowing well. I was only letting out

smiles and interrupting because segun really

surprised me. After about 8 minutes of having fun

chat with kemi, segun stood up and pulled his leather

box.

SEGE: bros, I’m travelling. Let me give you and your

wife some privacy

ME: ****laughs*** ok bro. My regards to mummy

KEMI: I will soon be going too.

SEGUN: so soon?. That reminds me. I promised you a

gift. I will tell bro onihaxy to give you.

KEMI: *****smiled and appreciate*** thanks my

inlaw.

SEGUN: ehn ehn bros, what about the money you

want to give me now?,

ME: I thought you have forgotten

SEGE: forget ke?, lailai.

ME: that’s even good. To make things easier. Take

this ATM. *****bring out atm card from my wallet

and hand it over to segun. Withdraw 50k from the

account.

SEGE: eeeeeeh bros, everything for me?.

ME: no, my wife and I are going out for shopping. I

will. Only give you the amount you request for, I want

to use the rest for shopping.

KEMI: *****smiled and feeling relaxed and

comfortable.

SEGE: ****winked at me*****. Bros, that money

won’t be enough to shop for our wife after deducting

mine. Please go with enough cash.

ME: hmmmmmmmmm. So you and your wife want to

drain my account abi?

SEGE: no bros. Just do the needful, first impression

last longer.

KEMI: ****felling more relaxed**** bro segun. Don’t

mind your elder brother jaree. He is too stingy.

ME: hmmmmmm, ok, withdraw 60k then. You should

take 10k while my wife and I will use the remaining

50k.

SEGE: that’s my lovely brother, let me rush down to

the nearest ATM.

KEMI: ******feeling totally relaxed****. Thanks jaree

uncle segun. Please be fast, I won’t be staying long.

SEGE: **pats kemi on the shoulder*** I will be right

back dear. Even me, I need to travel earlier.

ME: ok ooooooooo. Husband and wife

KEMI: onihaxy, na jealousy go kill you

SEGE: ***laughs*****. Erhmmm, bros, I dey come.

Segun walked out of the room. On closing the door,

he yelled from outside. “Bro onihaxy, come and see

something”. I excused myself from kemi and went

outside to meet segun.

ME: guy u try ooooo. This your small head, na so so

bad thing full am.

SEGE: sebi I told you to leave every plans to the

event planner na.

ME: that’s my guy.

SEGE: you no well ni. I don buy time for you. Use it

well and fucck the girl wella. I no wan hear story

ooooo.

ME: so what will happen to the atm card issue na?. I

have only 2,500naira in the account.

SEGE: ******laughs*****, Mr maga, who told you I

want to withdraw money from the account in the first

place?. Abeg go fucck wetin you want to Bleep

jareeee.

I went back inside the room and met my kemisola

fully relaxed and balanced.