Solitude – Episode 5

SOLITUDE

_5_

True self-discovery begins where your comfort zone ends.

Like a storm reality woke me up, reminding me that it was not a dream. I felt my limbs get numb, the tears rolled down as I whimpered silently.

‘How could you?’ I questioned as the tears continued to fall

To say that I was hurt would be an understatement, I was broken and I knew it would take a lot to get me back to my normal self.

I got up from the floor and went to sit on the bed, my head was pounding and it was 7PM. I switched on my phone and found what I would call death threats from both Chanda and Chibesa, they were claiming that I forged the Will and that they would get to the bottom of it.

That least of my worries because a part of me was beginning to think that there was more to the Will, I had no knowledge of being a lawyer or running a company so I didn’t see how she could appoint me as sole owner of her firm.

When I was beginning to feel dizzy from all the thinking, I put the phone away and poured myself a cup of water.

For a minute I sat there again thinking of the reality I had been faced with, how I would live my life now that she was no more.

The following morning I was woken up by August’s call, I was able to recognize his number from the calls the previous day.

‘Hello.’ I said before I cleared my throat

‘I thought I should let you know that Mrs. Chanda is being put to rest today.’

‘Excuse me?’ I asked now getting up

I wasn’t brought up in a traditional home but I knew too well that as Africans we took some time to mourn our loved ones before we actually put them to rest.

‘Whose idea was it?’ I finally managed to ask

‘Her daughter.’

‘But why?’

He didn’t respond and I figured I was asking the wrong person

‘We are on our way to Memorial Park, just in case you want to come through.’ He said before cutting the line

I almost laughed, it didn’t make sense to me. Why would Chanda be in such a hurry to bury her mother? I mean didn’t she want to mourn her? Didn’t she want people to come and offer their support?

Anyway I didn’t have that much time so I hit the bathroom and took a quick bath, I settled for a black tights and a black blouse. A black head wrap covered my head, a chitenge on top of the tights and some pumps on my feet.

My car had been brought by the mechanic so I drove to memorial park and was lucky to find that they were putting the wreaths otherwise I would have found them done.

I spotted Chanda on one end with Chibesa standing close to her, I noticed that her eyes were as clear as snow. She didn’t look like she had dropped a single tear.

A vote of thanks was given and just like that, Chileshe was gone, I didn’t even get the chance to view her body for the last time.

I felt Chanda’s burning gaze when she walked past me to her car, but I didn’t care less. When they were all gone I picked up a rose from one of the buckets that had been left behind, I gently placed it on the grave and let myself go.

I cried, not that she was gone but that she didn’t say goodbye. I cried because I would never know another love like the one she had shown me, I cried because I wouldn’t know how to stand on my two feet again.

‘Mwalakwa sure.’ I cried bitter tears falling

‘Nizayambila pati sure ine.’ I cried some more still kneeling on the grave

‘That’s enough.’ I heard August say but I didn’t stop, I cried even more when he said it and he let me cry until I couldn’t anymore.

‘Hush now.’ He said again helping me up

I held my hand to my mouth as I cried silently.

‘I will drive you, someone will take your car to your house.’ He said

I didn’t protest, all this was too much to bear.

He opened the passenger seat to his car, on another day I would have complimented how nice it smelt; how the leather on the seats made me feel but this wasn’t that day.

I turned and faced the window, closing my eyes and letting my mind wonder until he came to a stop somewhere I couldn’t recognize.

‘Where are we?’ I asked when he opened the door for me

I looked around, it was a two story building. If it wasn’t the most beautiful house I had seen, of course after Mrs. Chanda’s.

‘I figured you would drown yourself in tears again if you are left alone.’ He said his face void of any emotions

I just nodded my head.

I walked behind him as he led the way into the house.

It looked lonely, yes it was expensively decorated with nice furniture and paintings but there was something about it that made it feel like a grave. ‘Don’t cry’ I said pushing back the tears as I looked up

‘Would you like anything to drink?’

‘Water will be fine.’ I said

‘Make yourself comfortable.’

I watched him walk away, when he was back he had a glass of water on a tray.

‘Thank you.’ I responded

A took three sips from it then set it back on the tray.

‘I prepared a spare room for you just in case you might need it.’

‘You did what?’

‘I saw how you were yesterday.’

I wasn’t in the mood so I just nodded my head.

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I looked around the room that he said was the spare bedroom, it was spacious with a beautiful view at the balcony. The white curtains were blowing as the September wind hit them. The walls were painted grey, with a grey arm chair on one side. The center carpet was grey with blush pink and white beddings. For a minute I thought I was in a different house.

I went and sat on the bed, noticing some pain killers on the side with a glass of water and I figured they were mine, the headache was doing me pretty bad from all the crying so I took two before lying down and allowing myself to sleep