Solitude – Episode 28

 

SOLITUDE

 

_28_

 

I feel my legs growing numb as I walk towards the building, the glass is shattering and everyone is standing outside. It’s like no one knows what to do.

 

‘What happened?’ I ask no one in particular

 

‘What in God’s name happened?’ I ask again and still there is no response

 

‘August we have got to do something.’

 

‘Nella what can we do?’

 

‘Anything, call the firefighters. Just anything but not let it burn to ashes.’ I say in tears but he holds me back

 

‘August let me go.’

 

‘Nella there is nothing that you can do about it.’ He says leading me to the car

 

After much struggle he finally manages to convince me to get in.

 

‘What will happen after this? How do we even rebuild it from the ground?’

 

 

‘Right now Nella we will have to wait for the firefighters, when the fire is put out we assess how much damage has been caused.’

 

‘Where did I go wrong?’ I ask tears continually falling

 

‘Hush.’ He says rubbing my back

 

‘She entrusted me with the firm, not like this. August I have failed her.’ I say

 

After what seems like forever he firefighters finally come and by the time the fire is put out there is nothing that we can recognize except the ground.

 

‘It’s gone.’ I say kneeling beside what once was the reception

 

‘It’s all gone August, everything is gone just like that.’ I cry some more

 

He allows me to pace around, I am trying to see if there is anything I can find that might have caused the fire but I find nothing. The police finally arrive and tape the place in yellow and call it an investigation scene, now I am not even allowed to come close.

 

‘Ma’am we will need to take a statement.’ The man who looks like the officer in charge says

 

I give him my statement, starting from when we reported in the morning. He says he is satisfied but will get back to me when something comes up but will need details on every employee including the janitors so that he takes statements.

 

August decides to drive me home, we had used his car to get to the hospital and he tells me he will ask someone to drive mine at home.

 

‘You need to get some rest.’ He says immediately we are inside the house

 

‘August it’s not sleep that I need when it’s my soul that’s tired.’ I say throwing my things on the couch

 

‘I wish I could stay longer but I have to check on Chanda.’

 

 

I nod without a word.

 

‘Tell her I will see her in the morning.’ I say

 

**

 

From the way Chanda is crying I can tell that she has already heard the news of the firm burning down. Yes she is not the nicest person but she has worked her butt off for it to get to where it is, she did all this with her mother.

 

‘Babe they have finally managed to ruin me.’ She cries when I walk into the ward

 

I don’t know how to comfort her, I don’t know what to say. This could be an electrical fault, it could be someone’s recklessness and in the worst case scenario it could be that someone is really trying to bring it down.

 

‘If this is someone’s doing I swear we will get to the bottom of it.’ I say

 

‘I am sure without a doubt that this is someone’s doing, they have been aiming for the firm and now that mum isn’t around to protect it they have managed.’

 

‘We can’t keep speculating, for now let us leave the cops to do their job.’

 

‘The cops? August are you kidding me?’

 

‘What?’

 

‘Whoever is behind the accident will make sure the case is handled as slowly as possible, I need answers and I need them soon.’

 

‘Let us allow the law to do its job and for now can we concentrate on you getting better?’ I ask

 

She smiles.

 

‘You are staying with me?’

 

 

‘Why would I leave you?’

 

She shrugs

 

‘You need to get better, Nella needs you.

 

‘Poor thing, how is she holding up?’

 

‘Broken, like you. She desperately wants answers.’

 

I deliberately leave out the part where she thinks this is also planned because I don’t want the two pledging war

 

The night is long, Chanda is peacefully sleeping and I am glad because the medicine is finally taking effect. I decide to leave the room because I have to call Nella and find out how she is doing.

 

‘You are supposed to be sleeping.’ I reprimand

 

She yawns

 

‘How can I August?’ She asks

 

I smile

 

‘You need to rest.’

 

‘How is Chanda doing?’

 

‘I see what you are doing.’

 

‘I genuinely care.’ She says

 

‘I know you do, the two of you have grown close in a short period of time.’

 

‘Surprised me too.’

 

 

‘Just wanted to make sure you are okay, let me check on Chanda.’

 

‘Sure.’ She says and I wait for her to drop the line

 

I decide to go to the cafeteria before going back to the ward, but what surprises me is to see Chibesa and Mr. Nakamba talking. A part of me wants to go and ask what they are talking about but I also know that; that would be a dead end.

 

I grab my coffee and head back to the ward.

 

‘I thought you left.’ Chanda says with puffy eyes

 

‘I told you I would stay the night with you.’

 

‘August I am sorry.’

 

‘We have been through this.’

 

‘Honestly you don’t deserve any of the things that I made you go through.’

 

I smile and kiss her forehead

 

Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine that Chanda would cause me so much pain, I loved her. I had faith in her, there is nothing in my eyes that she did wrong. Even with her flaws she was perfect until she hurt me where it hurts the most. You know the thing about broken trust, it’s more like broken glass. You can try to put back the pieces but it’s shattered, it will never be the same so it’s either you learn to live without it completely or continue with the pieces left.

 

Chanda was everything I ever imagined spending forever with, maybe that’s the mistake I made. I was busy being in love with her that I forgot to see the holes, just maybe if I had paid more attention I would have seen what happened coming. For a while I continued to blame myself, that maybe I wasn’t man enough. That maybe it was me, that if I just put in a little more we wouldn’t have ended on the terms that we did but after some time I realized one thing, it wasn’t my fault. If she

 

 

cheated it was because it was on her, her weakness and never mine and I guess bad things happen to the best of us.

 

I look at her close her eyes, she looks so peaceful. I loved waking up to that face and now I can’t help but wonder if Chibesa woke up to that face too, I can’t help but question if he was better than me in more ways than one. I wanted to stay, to hold on. To give her another chance but at what expense, when the sound of her voice makes everything in me break. When everything about her beauty is replaced by a darkness that overshadows me? And for the life in me it hurt so bad that I had wrapped my life around her and now I had to learn a new routine, a new way. So I did what I felt best for my heart, I left. For my sake, my sanity and maybe some people will consider me weak for not fighting but fight for what exactly? Broken trust? For someone who will never do the same for you? Broken promises? How long was I going to burn myself to keep the both of us warm? God knows I loved her but it’s never guaranteed that the people we love will love us back and hell love is never enough if the actions speak otherwise.

 

‘What’s on your mind?’ She asks bringing me out of my reverie

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‘Nothing to worry your pretty mind.’ I say

 

Her phone rings and I can see the wrinkles on her forehead form, it’s Mr.

 

Nakamba.

 

I walk out to give her room, but something is fishy and I plan to find out what