My First Foolishness – Episode 3

Episode 3

We just arrived home, when my aunt gave me a resounding slap. I saw little stars and I held my cheek in pain and fear.

My aunt’s husband was not around and that means I was doomed.

“Who is responsible for your pregnancy? Don’t tell me you seduced my husband” she thundered

I was mute but in tears, I wondered how my own aunt will treat me this way and

would imagine such abomination.

And right there I spoke up.

“Aunt why would you imagine such abomination?, How could you reason like this?, for the past 4 years I lived with you, you have never shown me love, or treat me like your own, I endured all your torture and maltreatment for the past 4 years without complaining and now you want to accuse me of sleeping with your husband, all because I got pregnant, you didn’t even care to know what really happened and how I got pregnant and you just concluded that I seduced your husband, Aunty I’m tired, I want to go back to my mother” I said in anger.

“Of course you are returning to your mother, I can’t accommodate you here anymore, pack your things, first thing tomorrow morning, you are returning to your mother”She concluded and walked away.

I burst into tears, I wondered why Chijioke deceived me,

Life without him had brought me inconceivable pain and with the unplanned pregnancy, I was in alot of pain, pain that turned out to be my greatest teacher. It was the pain that set me on a path of self-discovery; pain that demanded me to keep learning; pain that taught me what it really means to be cheated; and pain that forced me to open my eyes that had been blinded by the illusion called Love.

“my entire world and the person I depended on for happiness, had left me, when I needed him most, why did I trust him, I was foolish to love Chijioke” I thought in tears. I went into the kitchen packed my things and that night I couldn’t sleep, I had to force myself to sleep.

The next day I was prepared to go back to the village, I ignored every thought that told me to visit, the pharmacist- Chijioke’s father.

“What will he do for me? What good will that bring, I don’t want him to feel like I am accusing his only son just because he told me that he was now in america, I had no proof, Chijioke and I dated secretly” I told myself, I took a cold, hard look at myself in the mirror and finally I was honest about my aspirations and how I wanted to reach them. I had to forget about everyone else’s opinions and uncover the truth about how I felt, I had to start creating my own happiness; and I thought going back to my mother was the best decision

I went back to the village without visiting Chijioke’s father, when I arrived the village, I was thrown into a deep regret, I should have gone to the Pharmacist. It’s hard to live with should haves and the mourning of unspoken words, I am regretful for the fact that I never gave Chijioke’s father the opportunity to know what was going on, when I returned to the village, it created an even higher wall between us, separating him from ever knowing the beginnings of this new life that was growing in me, because it would had lead him to the realisation that he was going to be a grand father.

When I returned to the village, I saw the other side of my mother, my aunt has told her lies about me, how I was wayward and refused to go to school. I was in tears as my mother didn’t give me a chance to defend myself, she disowned me immediately and she referred to my unborn child as a bastard. I was devasted. “How could my mom believe her wicked sister?” I thought

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Life after I discovered I was pregnant was filled with self-discovery, enlightenment, change, a new perspective, wisdom, pain, sorrow, disappointment and fear but some how i found confidence. “No one is trustworthy except God, love doesn’t exist” I thought. I was in a place of pain and shame: knowing that my mother was against me too, killed me. She doesn’t care about me or my health, my siblings insulted me too and everyone blamed me and cursed me. They tagged me a wayward girl.

“I sent you to Onitsha to better your life but you returned with a shameful pregnancy” My mother had told me countlessly time and with time I became the talk of the Town.

Six months later, when I saw that my mother had truly disowned me, I decided to take my destiny in my hands and help myself. I was almost due for delivery and I have not bought a single baby items that will be needed during my delivery.

One day I went outside our village and got a menial job and in few weeks I bought my baby items and began to prepare towards my delivery on my own. Even though I was broken, I was capable of giving all my love to my child, I never thought of aborting my child and i was relieved that my mother did not even reason to that direction. I was so excited when I found out that I was expecting a baby girl.

I had made up my mind to tell her about my mistakes when she comes of age, so she won’t repeat the same mistake I made.

I have accepted and grown from the flaws of my failed life and its lessons. I am no longer myself: my life literally ended immediately I turned 18, my journey on earth has been incredibly tough, but somehow I was healed when my daughter was born, I continued to take up menial jobs to take care of my child, my family especially my mother rejected me. I picked up myself and I was determined to give my daughter, the best life possible.

Kosisochukwu my daughter was 4 years old when my mother’s best friend reconciled me and my mother and my mother began to care about me again, my siblings were still disappointed in me but I was not bother as long as my mother has accepted me with my mistake, my mother also named my daughter Catherine and I was excited that I was no longer disowned by my mother, I was excited because come what may, I was still my mother’s daughter. When i realized that guilt and self pity were a wasted emotions, I gained the courage to forgive myself, forget my mistakes and move on, the freeing feelings of elation, relief and exuberance that followed are what have now come to define me as a woman and a mother.

One-day, I stroked a deal with my mother.

“Mom, I want to go to our state capital Awka and get a better Job, please I will leave without Catherine, I promise I will send money to you every month, mommy please would you take care of Catherine for me” I pleaded but my mother refused sharply, I was disappointed and frustrated. But when I involved her best friend, she reluctantly accepted after she gave her conditions and warned me sternly to always work hard and send money back home every month or else she will never forgive me again, if I misbehaved.

I grew up too quickly and life has given me a harsh responsibility of becoming a mother at a young age. I was no longer pursuing my dreams, all I was doing after I had my daughter was to survive and take care of my daughter. I was glad my mother accepted to take care of my child while I was away. And in few days I embarked on my journey to Awka and I was wondering how I will make it when I know no one at Awka except my child hood friend Vivian, who had promised to help me get a job when I come.

To Be Continued

MY FIRST FOOLISHNESS