© Aaron Ansah-Agyeman
It started to rain almost as soon as Shalom drove out of the gates, and he had to strain to see through the sleet of rain as he drove. He had washed and cleaned the windscreen of the old car as best as he could, but still it was not as clear as he would have wished. The headlights were also inadequate so he had a torrid time staying on the slick tracks.
The rainwater was gushing down the incline, making the ascent difficult because the tyres slid rather alarmingly in the sludge, but he used the first lower gear to
move up slowly and steadily until he gained the upper level flat road, and he sighed with relief.
Going left, he knew, would take him to Hwea-Ding-Dong, so he turned right and drove along slowly to avoid an accident. It was a real downpour now and the road was muddy and clayey. It would not be good to get stuck at all, he knew, as that would mean going back to the community and to that Calima who was quickly developing a taste for hitting him with metals.
She was using a crowbar now, and soon she might migrate to iron bars. And maybe imprison him forever. No, he could not let that happen. He had to get away and see his Adobea, his sweet, sweet Adobea who allowed him to touch her wonderfully wet vajayjay.
His breath got stuck in his chest when he imagined that sweet night when they had kissed so sweetly and she had been like an angel until that witch Bajoe had put her boodankadunks on top of him. What pained him was that he had not even been able to locate Bajoe’s vajayjay in time because it had virtually been lost in all that boodankadunk mountains.
There was a curve in the road and Shalom slowed down further to negotiate it, and then suddenly he saw a strange man standing in the middle of the road!
He was a big man wearing a doctor’s white tunic. His hair was mostly grey and so was his huge beard. He was wearing a pair of transparent glasses and holding a briefcase in his right hand and big sack in his left hand. The rain had soaked him through, and he held up an arm against the glare of the headlights.
Shalom brought the truck to a halt and the man moved slowly to the passenger side of the truck and peered inside at him.
“Hello, feller!” he said brightly. “Where are you headed to?” “I don’t know,” Shalom cried. “I want to find Adobea!”
“Ah, makes sense,” the man said with a smile. “We all want to find something. I’m Doctor Odabor. Would you mind giving me a lift to Atopabibio?”
“I don’t know Atopabibio,” Shalom shouted above the din of the rain. “Is it along the road to the city?”
“Ah, about three towns away,” Doctor Odabor shouted.
“Alright,” Shalom said. “Hop in.”
“Oh, thank you, thank you very much,” the Doctor said and threw his heavy sack into the back of the truck, and then he opened the little door and sat down on the long seat beside Shalom.
Shalom engaged gear again and began to drive slowly.
“Ah, an old Bedford truck, goodness me!” Doctor Odabor said with sudden gaiety. “Where did you get it?”
“In the abandoned factory down there,” Shalom replied.
The man reached forward and picked up a little box on the dashboard and opened it.
“Ah, old cassettes!” he exclaimed with happiness and picked up one of the black cassettes, leaned forward and pushed it into the cassette player. There was a little static as the tape began to roll, and then quite suddenly a stringent voice filled the speakers as an old highlife song began to play.
“Ohhhhh, Aberekyieba Kofi Sammy!” Doctor Odabor exclaimed. “I love him, I love his songs….sawaaaaaa, abele, abele, abele, abele!”
He began to dance wildly with his hands raised, his head bobbing alarmingly and his body moving in the seat as if an electric shock was being ran through him. “Are you a madman?” Shalom asked after a while. “What?” Doctor Odabor asked as he looked at him.
“Are you a madman?” Shalom asked again. “The way you’re dancing and the way you’re behaving isn’t quite normal.”
“Ah, we’re all madmen, my dear young friend,” he said. “What’s your name again?”Read more interesting and erotic stories from www.generalloaded.com
“I don’t know my name,” Shalom said. “So, I chose Shalom as my name.” “You see?” Doctor Odabor said. “Shalom is a greeting, meaning peace, good felicitation, but you chose it as your name. You see? That’s a form of madness right there, isn’t it? Are you going to have sex with her?”
Shalom glanced at the man with a scowl.
“What did you say?”
“Oh, you heard me but you didn’t like it,” Doctor Odabor said with a giggle. “This girl you’re looking for, Adobea. Are you going to put your pe.nis inside her va.gina and blast it like fuuunka, fuuunka, fuuunka, fuuunka? Slam that pussy, Shalomomo, slam it it hard, Shalomomo…aaaash, aaaash, aaaash eyede papapa…atopa fuuunka, fuuunka, fuuunka!”
Shalom looked at the man carefully.
“I gave a lift to a madman, didn’t I?” he asked carefully. “I’m beginning to think you’re a madman, Doctor Odabor.”
“Ah, no, no, I’m not mad, not really,” the Doctor said and resumed to throw his arms around wildly as he danced. “You see, the trouble is, I was a doctor, a good one, for many years. Six months ago, I operated on this guy who was brought to my hospital. And guess what!”
Shalom raised his eyebrows.
“What?” he asked.
“I asked you to guess what, so guess what!” Doctor Odabor screamed shrilly, his voice suddenly high and furious, his face twisted up madly as he leaned forward and glared at Shalom with hate-filled eyes. “So, you better guess what, you fu.cking man with the fu.cking name driving the fu.cking truck! Sawaaaaaaaa, abele, abele, abele!”
He resumed dancing furiously again, and Shalom looked at him with sudden trepidation. He swung the steer to the side of the road and brought the truck to a stop.
The doctor stopped dancing and looked at Shalom.
“Why have you stopped the car?” he asked quietly.
“I think you should get down,” Shalom said. “I don’t like you anymore. Doctor Odabor, I think you’re mad.”
Doctor Odabor sighed heavily and dropped his arms.
“I’ll get down at Atopabibio, I told you,” he said. “So, please, drive on.” “No,” Shalom said and shook his head wildly. “Please get out of the truck.” “Ah,” Doctor Odabor said softly. “Do you know what is in the sack I put into the truck, Shalom?”
“How would I know?” Shalom asked petulantly. “It is your sack.”
“Ah, I’ll tell you, Shalom,” Doctor Odabor said. “It is the pe.nis of the patient I operated on six months ago. His head is also there, together with my former wife’s head and her va.gina. You see, he turned out to be my wife’s former boyfriend when they were young! They didn’t tell me! I caught them doing it fuuunka, fuuunka, fuuunka in my own hospital. So, I killed them. But don’t worry, their parts are all preserved in containers with solutions so they don’t stink.”
Shalom was suddenly chilled to the bone as he looked at the man beside him whose face looked so devilish behind his glasses.
“Ah, and I must tell you there are other body parts there too, of other people I killed after that.”
He opened his briefcase and brought out a long, sharpened machete, put it on the seat beside him, and then took out an axe too and waved it at Shalom.
“Ah, so drive, Shalom,” he said with a smile. “I’ll get down at Atopabibio.” “Okay, okay,” Shalom said and engaged gear again, and the truck began to move. “Ah, you’re scared, aren’t you?” Doctor Odabor asked with a crazy cackle. “Yeah,” Shalom said with a sick smile. “You just made me weewee in my jeans.” Doctor Odabor burst into raucous laughter at that and waved the axe wildly.
“Sawaaaaaaaaaaaa!” he screamed. “Abele, abele, abele, abele! Ah, Shalom, don’t be scared, don’t be scared! I won’t kill you because I like you.”
They were silent for a while as they drove with only the doctor humming to the music and dancing. Suddenly, he stopped all movements and sat still like that for a long period, as stiff as a statue with the axe raised in his hand. Shalom glanced at him.
He was still, unflinching, his eyes staring in front of him. “Hey!” Shalom said suddenly. “Why are you still like that?” “Shhhhhh!” Doctor Odabor hissed at him. “I’m listening to the voice!” “Which voice?” Shalom asked.
“The voice of Tatafu, the one that whispers to me to do things!”
“The voice of Tatafu!” Shalom said and burst into uncontrollable laughter and slapped his thigh with his free hand. “Oh, Doctor Odabor of Atopabibio, you’re so mad!”
Doctor Odabor dropped his axe beside him on the seat and smiled broadly at Shalom.
“Hello, I’m Doctor Odabor!” he said brightly. “Ah, what an old Bedford you have here! Quite extraordinary. And what’s your name?”
Shalom raised his eyebrows at the man.
“For real?” he asked softly. “Are you shitting me?”
“Respect your elders, respect your elders, you fool!” Doctor Odabor screamed
shrilly, quite maniacally. “And what kind of silly music are you playing?”
“You put it in yourself, sir!” Shalom shouted, quite perplexed. “What’s the matter
Doctor Odabor leaned forward, ejected the cassette and pulled it off, and then he threw it out of the window.
“I killed my friend, you know,” he said suddenly, quite dejected. “Dr. Odabor. I killed him six months ago! He caught me shagging his wife with atopa fuuunka, fuuunka, fuuunka and threatened to sack me, but his wife was my ex-girlfriend and she made me kill Doctor Odabor!”
“Ahhhhh, what at all is this?” Shalom shouted with exasperation. “So, now, the story has changed completely! Sir, please, you need help!”
“Ah, but I don’t need help!” Doctor Odabor said gently. “My friend, don’t be stressed so much. Stress is a killer. You see, basically, ants are social animals with a well-developed system of living, and we have other insects who are shitrollers. Do you know kukrubinsin? Have you seen kukrubinsin before? The insects that carry shit in rolls?”
Shalom chuckled suddenly and shook his head.
“I should have stayed with Calima,” he said with a small laugh. “Oh, God! Why did you let me flee from Calima to come and meet Doctor Odabor of Atopabibio?” Doctor Odabor began to weep suddenly with his head thrust downward and his shoulders shaking, and then suddenly he raised his head and began to sing shrilly: “Ava yi kolo, kolo labifaaaaaaaa! Ohhhhh, ava yi kolooooooo, kolooooo, koloooooo labifaaaaaaa!”
He then turned toward Shalom with a huge grin on his face.
“Do you understand that song?” he asked suddenly.
“I have no idea what it means, Doctor Odabor,” Shalom whispered.
“It is an Ewe song, I think,” the doctor said with a grin. “My dog used to sing it. The goats of Atopabibio love that song. I don’t know if I’m saying the words right but the Ewe palm tapper sang it a lot and told me that tt means pe.nis beat va.gina and va.gina is crying. Ava yi koloooooo, koloooooo labifaaaaaa!”
“Ohhhhh, ava yi koloooooo, koloooooo labifaaaaa!” Shalom joined in, and soon the two of them were singing the song at the top of their voices.
Doctor Odabor stopped singing suddenly and looked at Shalom with very bright and scared eyes.
“Heyyyyyyyyyy!” he screamed shrilly, startling Shalom who almost lost control of the car.
“What, what now?” Shalom said. “What’s the matter with you koraaa? What’s the meaning of all this?”
“Are you a madman?” Doctor Odabor asked as he cringed with fear. “Why have you put an axe and a sharp cutlass on the seat, gentleman? Are you a killer? Where are you taking me?”
“They belong to you!” Shalom shouted. “You said you’re going to Atopabibio!” Doctor Odabor began to laugh immediately and nodded severally as he picked up the weapons and locked them in his briefcase again.
“Ah, indeed, I remember, I remember, Shalom,” he said. “I killed a lot of people, Shalom. A lot of people. I am not good man, my dear young man. I believe I am mad and I’ve done some pretty bad things.”
“Are you going to kill me?” Shalom asked with raw fear.
“I don’t even know. I like your face, quite handsome face. Maybe I’ll kill you and remove your face and add it to my collection. Heeeeyyyyyy, hiyaaaaaaaaa, Kyiaaaaaaaawwwwwwwwww!” the doctor screamed shrilly in a voice that grated on Shalom’s ears and he moved his hands suddenly into various karate moves. “Do you remember Bruce Lee in Enter the Dragon? Bruce is the best, radical.
Hoooooooooo, hucha, fucha, chili chili chila, klika, klika, klika!
And Shalom stopped the car, jumped out, and began to ran furiously towards a
building he had stopped in front of.
Doctor Odabor screamed.
“Heeeeeyyyy, Shalom! Where are you going to? I’ll killliiiiiiii youuuuuuuu! I’ll killliiiiiii youuuuuu!”
He opened his briefcase, took out the sharp knife, jumped down, and began chasing Shalom.
But Shalom was fast, very fast, and he burst through the building, startling three police officers who were sitting in front of a counter with mugs of tea in their hands.
They all jumped to their feet and dropped their cups.
“Hey, are you mad?” one officer cried indignantly. “Who are you? Where did you come from?”
“Oh, help me, help me!” Shalom screamed. “I gave a lift to a man! I think he’s mad. He has weapons and said he killed people. I saw a sign up on the road saying police station so I turned without him being aware and drove here! Says he’s Doctor Odabor!”
“Eiiiiiii!” one of the policemen cried. “Doctor Odabor the Slayer? He’s a wanted man o! He has killed many people! A serial killer!”
And just then Doctor Odabor burst into the police station and came straight at Shalom with the knife, his eyes crazed beyond reason.
“Bruuuuuce Leeeeeeeee!” he screamed. “Hihaaaaaaaaaaa! Fuchuuuuu! Manchuuuuuu! Shaolin kikaaaaaaaa!”
Shalom screamed with fear and picked up fourteen inch black and white television set on the long counter and then slammed it down with all his might on the head of Doctor Odabor!
And the crazed doctor collapsed on the floor with his knife missing Shalom’s throat by inches! The screen of the television had blasted through, showering the body of the doctor with glass fragments.
Shalom was shaking badly as he stared at the policemen.
“Heeeeerh, this doctor is mad papaaaa!” he whispered with great fear. “He almost killed me o, Awurade! Anka obekume by heart, rough-rough!”