Three Empty Words – Episode 16

#16 (Unedited; short Insert)

I woke up quite early, I had called Nthando and told him that I would go to Livingstone with him but first I had to tell mum because she had been scarce lately.

After cleaning my room and taking a bath, I went to her room to check on her.

She responded after I knocked once.

‘Good morning.’ I said smiling

‘If it isn’t my baby.’ She said signaling me to join her bed I went ahead and lay just next to her.

‘You have been scarce these days.’ I accused

‘Well now I am sure you can take care of yourself, besides; I too have a life to live.’ She said

I laughed

‘Yeah right.’ I said rolling my eyes

She tickled my sides it got us laughing.

‘How is Kelvin?’ she asked

I swallowed hard

‘Well he is fine.’ I responded

She kissed my palm

‘He is a good man baby, please don’t mess it up.’ I looked at her with a questioning look.

‘Mum what makes you think that I will be the one to ruin this?’ She sighed.

‘Baby I have seen how much you are trying to find yourself of late, I have seen how you want to look a certain way and how you smile each time you look at your phone. And I am sure Kelvin isn’t behind all this.’

I felt guilty as she spoke.

‘Mum I won’t hurt Kelvin.’ I said trying to convince myself more than her.

‘Baby most importantly don’t hurt yourself, you are fragile and I don’t want to see you broken.’ She said kissing my palm again

I frowned

‘I hear you.’

‘So did you come here to check on me or you had something to say?’ ‘Well I was planning on spending the weekend with Kelvin, so I need your permission.’

My mother laughed, so hard I didn’t know whether she was losing it or just pretending.

‘Sorry baby.’ She said in between laughter ‘What?’ I asked

She embraced me

‘I just never saw this day happening, where you would ask me permission to sleep out.’ She said

‘Well I am all grown right?’

‘Um um.’ She responded shaking her head ‘You are only twenty.’ ‘But Xeno.’ I protested

‘Baby you and Xeno are so different, Xeno is strong and I know she can survive out there. You on the other hand need to be tamed least you fall in the wrong hands.

I felt insulted.

‘Why do you always treat me like a child? Why do you have to watch every step I make? Cant I live just a little?’ I asked now on my feet

She got up too.

‘Where is all this coming from?’ she asked

‘I am just tired of being the one whose death you wait for, I am tired of this; all this!’ I exclaimed

I had not expected it but by the time her hand landed on my cheek, it was pink. ‘Xenia you dare question me? You dare stand in my presence and question everything I have done for you?’ she asked a tear escaping her eyes

‘For twenty years I have not had enough rest because I have been sacred of what might happen to you, I had you when I was very young and instead of living my life I had a burden because one of my children was sick.’ ‘So I was a burden huh?’

‘Everything I have done, I have done out of love. Do you think I don’t feel bad that I had to neglect Xeno just so I could raise you? Do you think I don’t hear her cry every night as she questions God of her very existence? And you wonder why I haven’t given up on her huh?’ she asked this time roughly wiping the tears off her face.

‘Xeno might be bad to the world but she is just a child that didn’t get enough love from her parents, just a child who was forced to grow up faster than her age. A child who wishes for nothing but love from the world. And you stand in my presence and question everything that I have done?’ she asked I didn’t expect to hear all this so I just looked down.

‘Xenia so many times I wanted to give up, I wanted to go out there and live my life. I wanted to get the pillows and close my ears as you cried every night. I wanted to walk out of the hospital as you spent hours in surgery, but I didn’t. Do you have any idea why?’ she asked now squeezing my face with her hand I shook my head

‘Because you are my child, because God must have had me in mind when he molded you. So let be the last time you veer question my parenting.’ She said dismissively

I walked out of her room and was met by Xeno at the door, her eyes were filled with tears. I watched her walk into mum’s room as I ran to my own and locked the door.