I stood by the gate as Kelvin drove away from Chisamba to Lusaka, I was grateful that he had stood up for me but Xenosah had to be put in her place. It was actually
high time that she learnt that despite being sick I wasn’t dead and I had a long way to go before I was pronounced dead.
I was about to walk back inside when a car stopped just in front of me.
‘Yes?’ I asked when the man rolled down his window, I recognized the face but couldn’t quite remember where we had met. ‘Good afternoon?’
‘Afternoon.’ I responded impatiently
‘Is Xeno home?’
‘You can drive in.’ I said moving away from the gate
It was still open so I just directed him to where the garage was.
‘I am Nthando by the way.’ He said stretching his hand
I saw Xeno’s window open, she had probably seen her guest so I told him to wait by the lounge. I went inside the house and went straight to my room, my day was already ruined and now all I wanted to do was just to sleep.
I closed the door behind me and put my phone to charge, it had been such a great afternoon but as usual Xeno had found a way of getting on my nerves. I opened one of my drawers and took out my little black diary, here I documented most of my childhood memories but as I grew older I realized I would rather have everything engraved in my heart than a piece of paper that anyone could get hold of.
I flipped through the papers and it brought me to January 15th 2015, here I had had my second surgery. I still remember the day like it was yesterday, mum had just woken up and was already running around the house. I could feel my temperature dropping and rising at different intervals but I didn’t want to worry because in my head it was something that would go away any time soon.
I remember how I had started feeling short of breath but I still kept quiet until I couldn’t breathe and the next thing I remembered was waking up in a hospital bed. Mum’s eyes were red and buggy, probably because she had been crying and not getting enough rest. I was connected to a lot of tubes, more than I had ever seen. I tried to lift my head but the pain that was coming from my chest was too much to bear, using all the strength in me; I managed to lift a finger and pressed it against mum’s arm.
She immediately woke up and called for the doctor who examined me, I was told that I had lost my breathe and as usual my heart had become very weak that some parts of my body were not receiving enough blood. I was rushed into surgery upon
arrival and had been in coma for close to a week. So after examination, the doctor kept me a few more days just so I could be monitored.
Mum was advised to hire a home nurse but she refused and went an extra mile learning all she could so that I got the best care from home.
When I returned that time, that is when I noticed the change in Xeno’s attitude. I could tell she was trying so hard to be close to me but mum giving me all the attention really pulled her backwards. I remember asking her if she hated me but all she said was that she wished she too was sick; maybe then mum would love her better. That was the only time she ever opened up about her hate and attitude towards me. I tried to be strong so that mum could offer the same attention but it seemed like mum believed Xeno could make it on her own and the more I tried the more I ended up getting sick and also mum giving me more attention.
In the end she stopped trying, she stopped trying to be my sister, to be my friend and now all that was left was a hate that she showed whenever she had the chance. With each day I tried to bring our bond back, after all we are sisters and twins but the more I tried the more it fell apart.
I closed the diary and allowed the tears to fall, why is it that even when things are falling apart and we know that we are not to blame and the other person is in the wrong; we are the ones that hurt the most? My sister was wrong, my mother was wrong, I too was wrong maybe for being sick but here I was the one most affected by everything that was happening around me.
I quickly rushed out when I heard noises coming from the living room. ‘Xeno why are you trying to be unreasonable?’ the man asked
I wanted to show my presence but when she laughed I chose to stand where I was. ‘Nthando so you think you can use me and get away with it?’
Now I was confused.
‘You knew what you were getting into, we both did and you getting pregnant was a mistake on your end and not mine!’ he screamed
I held my mouth in disbelief, so Xeno was pregnant.
‘It doesn’t matter whose fault it was, the deed has already been done and now all you have to think of is telling that fiancé of yours that the wedding is off.’ My sister said hysterically
The man who I learnt was Nthando looked defeated, he slumped his weight in the chair that was closest to him.
‘Xeno what do you want?’ he managed to ask after a while of silence
She was about to say something but she stopped half way, her face looking defeated.
‘I just want someone to love me.’ She said her face breaking into a wave of tears I felt my heart shutter when she said that, it was the most genuine thing she had ever said in a long time and I knew she meant it.
Nthando stood up from where he was seated and held her in his arms as she cried. ‘Hush.’ He whispered rubbing her back