Solitude – Episode 40

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SOLITUDE

 

_40_

 

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I have been standing by the window for the past three hours hoping that she will come out of the car, but there has been no movement.

 

My phone has been close to me hoping that maybe she will call but there has been nothing still. I sigh heavily when the clouds make a rolling sound, it will rain anytime soon and I would hate for her to be in the car when it starts pouring.

 

Just before I can digest my thoughts it starts to rain, and I am worried sick because I do not know what it is that is bothering her.

 

Gathering all the strength in me, I get an umbrella and pass through the rain. Even though it isn’t doing much because the wind is also blowing, I continue to walk until I get to the car.

 

I bang on the window a number of times before she rolls it down, her eyes her swollen from crying. I can see she is in a very bad place.

 

‘Open the door we get you inside the house.’ I say

 

She doesn’t protest, she closes the window then opens the door. She doesn’t even rush into the house with me, the rain pours on her as she walks slowly.

 

When she finally gets there, I offer her dry clothes and leave her to change whilst I make some ginger and lemon tea. August once mentioned that, that is the only tea she can keep down.

 

‘Thank you.’ She says when I hand her a cup

 

She smells it then smiles, tears dropping.

 

‘Chanda what is bothering you?’ I finally ask

 

Anyone who knows her can tell that this is not the Chanda that we know.

 

‘What is not bothering me Nella.’ She says smiling through the tears

 

 

‘Stop being like this, it’s not good for your condition.’ I say and she smiles trying to wipe the tears off her face

 

‘I didn’t know who else to talk to. With August gone I don’t know if there is anyone that wants to be with me anymore.’

 

‘But you have been in the car for I don’t know how long.’

 

‘I didn’t know how to talk to you Nella, I didn’t even know if you would want to talk to me.’

 

I smile, sipping from my cup of tea.

 

‘I went to the clinic today for my check up.’

 

‘Ran into Chibesa and Katai.’ She adds

 

I keep quiet, not sure I have anything to say to that.

 

‘Chibesa is marrying Katai and I don’t think I have any fight left in me to break them apart.’ She says crying some more

 

Honestly I wish I knew what to tell her but I don’t.

 

‘Nella I was so sure, if anything Chibesa has been the most certain thing in my life. I have always known that he would have my back no matter the circumstances and now this.’

 

She sighs deeply

 

‘Honey we can’t always get what we want.’ I say with a smile

 

‘Not in my world Nella, that doesn’t apply where I come from. In my world we get whatever we want no matter the circumstances and Chibesa had the same plans that I did more reason why I never imagined seeing him with another.’

 

‘I am sorry Chanda I wish I knew what to tell you.’ I say

 

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We both keep quiet for a while

 

‘I am not fighting for him.’

 

‘Why?’ I ask surprising myself

 

‘Nella I have never had a reason to stop, to think, to unwind. My life has been on the move for I don’t know how long and now that I have this.’

 

She pauses to touch her belly

 

‘I have this to think about, I have this baby to help me make better decisions and honestly I don’t want to mess it up.’

 

I move from my seat and go to sit where she is.

 

‘Chanda you are not the nicest person I know, you are rude. You are full of yourself and God knows they were times I wished I could put you on a ship that would never return, but beneath all this now I know there is a better person. But that person can only show up if you really want to be better not just for your child but for yourself too.’

 

‘I will be here in case you need anything, I will help you get through this but only if you allow me.’ I say holding her hand

 

‘Why are you being so nice to me when I have been nothing but shitty to you?’ She asks tears dropping

 

‘We both don’t have anyone, I know what it feels like to be alone. You might hate me because your mother was always around me but she never filled up that void of me being an orphan.’

 

‘Nella she was your mother.’

 

‘I didn’t know that.’

 

 

‘I grew up alone, yes I loved her and she did me but I wanted to be loved by my biological mother. I wanted to feel that sense of being wanted and I envied you sometimes.’

 

‘What?’

 

‘Yes I did.’

 

She looks at me as if I am crazy

 

‘Chanda; Chileshe loved you, maybe she was very bad at showing it but she loved you so hard she could have died for you. She could have done anything to see you happy.’

 

‘I wish I got a chance to know her, to love her better.’

 

‘The milk has already been spilt, now be a better mother to your child so that this loneliness ends with you. So that your child will never experience anything that you went through.’

 

‘Thank you.’ She says smiling

 

She stands up to look out of the window

 

‘I think the rains are about to stop, I better get going.’

 

‘You could spend the night.’

 

‘If you want.’ I add

 

‘Thank you but I don’t want to bother you.’

 

‘Don’t be silly, you won’t be bothering me. I would love to get to know you.’

 

‘I am not an interesting person you know.’

 

‘Let me be the judge of that.’ I say

 

 

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Mr. Nakamba goes through the papers again, yes it’s true Nella really owns the land on which the firm was built and the clause in the lease is well explained. So he has lost millions of money rebuilding the firm for her.

 

‘Chanda i won’t rest until you pay me back my money.’ He says before calling his lawyer