Adebimpe: The Facebook Girl – Episode 12

SEGE: you must be smart to play your game wella so

as not to miss the fuccking. Make sure that u post

all the spending till after sex, and not before.

ME: I still don’t understand

SEGE: mr maga, listen. If you spend before planning

to have sex, you might not get it, just keep making

mouth till you get what you want.

ME: I hear you ooooo.

SEGE: when she dey with you. Call me and we go act

drama for her.

ME: mr sege!!!!!, I dey fear you oooo

SEGE: you think say I be mumu like you?. Na me dey

scam girls, girls no dey dupe me. Loooool.

I returned home that night. Segun and I began our

rehearsals on whatsapp ahead of kemi’s arrival. Ever

since I was growing up, I had always have this

mentality that “the more you spend for her, the more

she loves you” but segun changed my orientation and

made me realize that most times, “the more you

spend blindly, the more you are a maga”.

Between monday and Wednesday of the following

week, kemi called me more than 5 times but I didn’t

pick up, I intentionally refused to pick up because I

knew she would always demand for airtime. On

thursday morning, I called her myself.

ME: hello kemi

KEMI: my love, how are you?, why did you refused

picking my calls for the past four days?

ME: I’m sorry, the phone was on silent since sunday

night and I misplaced it since then. I tried calling the

number from another phone to trace it but it wasn’t

ringing out, it was this morning that I found it inside

the kitchen cupboard.

KEMI: eeyah, sorry about that my love, I was thinking

you were with another girl, maybe that’s why you

refused to pick up.

ME: ****oloshi, this one wey you dey call me “my

love” I know say na “send me airtime” go end

am********, baby when are you coming?.

KEMI: I would arrive this evening, but the event is

tomorrow and saturday.

ME: are you staying over at my place?

KEMI: ***laughs****

ME: why laughing?

KEMI: you are funny ni, I’m coming with my family,

we would be staying over at the place provided for

us. since I’m not alone, I won’t be able to stay over

at your place.

ME: huuuuuh, how do I take you out for shopping

then?

KEMI: eeeeeeehhh!!! You mean you want to shop for

me?

ME: yes, I am even buying a phone for you since you

said your phone is giving you issues.

KEMI: huuuuh. That’s why I love you honey. But why

don’t we do it like this?

ME: how?

KEMI: please do all the shopping and bring it to me

where I would be staying, I might not be chanced to

spend time outside, sebi I told you I would be with

my family?

ME: ****heartbroken “oloshi”******* no problem dear,

let’s postpone all the shopping and gifts to another

day that you would have time. I can’t just be roaming

about supermarkets alone on my own without you by

my side, I would only come and say Hi to you

wherever you are. That’s all

KEMI: common dear, so you won’t bring anything for

me?

ME: not sure, maybe apples only sha.

KEMI: haba!!!, ok you know what!

ME: what?

KEMI: let me get to akure first, then I would know

how to squeeze out time to go out with you.

ME: that’s my baby

KEMI: are you happy now?

ME: off course. So what time will u get to akure?

KEMI: can’t say yet, but we would leave home by

10am sha.

ME: ok dear, can’t wait to see you

KEMI: same here dear

ME: pls let me know when you are around

KEMI: ok my love, eeeerhm my love, please can you

do me a favour please!!

ME: ***hanged up*****, oloshi, the only favour I have

been doing you is Airtime, “omo-ale”

 

………………. After the call

I went to work and chat with my friend segun along

side. I narrated my recent action to him and he told

me I was getting smarter. We discussed how kemi’s

package will look like, and trust my guy, he came

with a very brilliant plan. He said we would act like

brothers, I would be the elder brother while he would

be the younger brother.

I smiled and said to myself, “hope say sege no go

push me to jail some day sha”, but on a serious note,

its good to have the good, the bad, and the ugly

friends and I don’t even know the category that

segun belongs to.

After closing for the day’s job at 5pm, I was so tired

and I couldn’t stop over at segun’s house, I went

home straight and fell over the bed to relax. At 7pm,

my phone was ringing and I looked at the screen, it

was my beloved kemi calling.

ME: hello love

KEMI: call me back please ***hanged up****

What is this girl up to?, haba!!!, she had never call for

3 minutes before, always saying “call me back”. I

wait for like 10minutes before returning the call

ME: hello love

KEMI: hi. How are you?

ME: I’m fine, and you?

KEMI: I’m fine too. What happened to your phone the

other time in the morning?

ME: sorry about that jaree, the credit was exhausted

and the call terminated.

KEMI: hmmmmmmmm. I thought you don’t want to

talk to me ni.

ME: haba!!, no naw. So where are you

KEMI: I’m now in akure

ME: really?, where in akure?

KEMI: I don’t know dear, ok hold on let me ask

someone ******background:kemi: pls what is the

name of this place?. Response: oda road***********

ok onihaxy, they said its oda road.

ME: eeeyah, not to far from my area sha. About 30

to 40minute taxi drive.

KEMI: really?

ME: yes. So how do we see?

KEMI: I don’t know yet ooooo, and I would be so

busy tomorrow in cooking assistance.

ME: so what about saturday?

KEMI: I will be busy too

ME: so what do we do now? I can’t wait to see you

dear.

KEMI: same here. Ok let’s do it this way

ME: how?

KEMI: to save time, let’s meet at the shopping plaza,

text the location to me, you will get there before me

and I will meet you there.

ME: *****oloshi, you dey prove smart abi?, na me you

wan use brain for?. Thanks to sege’s tutorials*******

that will be bit difficult dear

KEMI: why?

ME: my younger brother is around and wanted to see

you, infact, he should have travelled yesterday but he

said he would wait till your arrival.

KEMI: who is that? And did you tell him anything

about me?

ME: my cousin .yes I told him lots about you

KEMI: and what was that?

ME: that you are my love, the girl I wanted to marry.

And he said he wanted to see his brother’s wife.

Infact, he has a gift to give you.

KEMI: really?. What is the gift?

ME: he didn’t show me, neither did he tell me. He

said its for you alone and its a surprise. He would

travel immediately after seeing you.

KEMI: oooooo God, and I would be busy oooooo, ok,

let’s see what would happen tomorrow sha.

ME: that’s my love.

KEMI: onihaxy please….

ME: **** interrupted**** heeeeee, honey please I will

call you back, my food is burning seriously.

****hanged up*****

*****Oloshi, I knew that it is “baby send me airtime”

that would follow the “onihaxy please”

 

At 9pm, I called kemi again to discuss on how we

would meet.

ME: hi love

KEMI: how are you dear?

ME: I’m fine, and you?

KEMI: I’m doing great.

ME: so how do we see and when?,

KEMI: let’s see if I could sneak out tomorrow to see

you. Hope your place isn’t far from here?

ME: no dear, its along the main road. If you take a

bike, the bike man will drop you exactly infront of my

house.

KEMI: please I won’t stay long outside because of my

family, I don’t want them to suspect that I’m missing.

So you would stay infront of your house and the

same bike that brought me would takes us both to

the outing.

ME: ***oloshi, na me you dey prove smart for abi?

*******, no problem dear

KEMI: alright dear, what are the things you are

buying for me?

ME: just wait till tomorrow and see the surprises that

awaits you.

KEMI: that’s why I love you. Baby please transfer

little airtime to me please

ME: it late, and I don’t have sufficient airtime on my

phone. Let’s make it tomorrow.

KEMI: ok dear, take care

ME: bye ***hanged up********